AC asked: How and when did you realize that your calling was to be wiccan?
I know when, but I’m a little fuzzy on the how. I first started being interested in Wicca when I was about 12 or 13 – but I am not sure how I even came to know about it and I certainly did not understand at the time what exactly it was that I was interested in – I just remember “knowing” I wanted to be a witch. My father was Seven Day Adventist, who put the church above everything else (including his faimly) and attended church every Saturday. My mother who married him when she was only 14 (and had me when she was 16) was a Presbytrian but did not attend chruch very often. Since my father’s church does not baptize any one until they are older, when my mom and dad divorced my mom has me baptized in her church when I was about 7 or 8 years old. The minister of the church played an important role in my life later on so I’m glad he was there (but that is tale for another time).
I was placed in a state run Catholic School for girls by the state in the middle of 8th grade (part of the tale I mentioned earlier to be told another time). I mentioned to my social worker at the school my interest in becoming a witch and she surprised me a few weeks later with my first book on wicca, Witchcraft Today by Gerald Gardner. I didn’t really talk about it much with any one, but I had trusted my social worker enough to mention it and I am glad I did because the book gave me something to hold on to and solidify my goal at the time which was when I grew up I wanted to find a coven and become a witch.
I had only been exposed to organized Christian religion up to this point in life and it totally didn’t make sense to me. According to his organized religion my father was going to go to heaven because he gave lots of money to the church and attended regularly, yet he was a child molester, neglected his family and even let us go hungry sometimes in order to give money to the church. I was going to go to hell because I wore makeup and didn’t attend church. The Presbytrian church seemed ok, but void of any depth or meaning for me and still part of the same Christian-Bible belief system similar to my father’s. The Catholic church’s ritual and worship was interesting and had a some depth of spirit to them, but the religion itself just didn’t make much sense to me. Living at the Catholic school we all knew the “secrets” of the nuns and priest and knew where they went to secretly meet and engage in the natural behavior of what a man and woman do together. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it, other then they were being hypocrits – because the nuns and priest required we all attend church whether we were Catholic or not and insisted we were all going to go to hell if we ever did what they were doing “outside of marriage,” but yet they were “doing it” behind the trees, in the offices, and various other “secret” spots around the campus and they were going to go to heaven because all anyone had to do was ask forgiveness at the very last minute of life.
Another reason I think Wicca appealed to me then (and still does) was where I grew up. The house I grew up in was along the Delaware River. I spent hours and hours walking along the banks of the river and resting on the large rocks that were in a little hollow place surrounded by tall trees. This was a place I felt at peace, safe, and nurtured and I would spend hours there just breathing in the fresh air and watching the river flow by. I felt connected to the earth and the trees. It made more sense to me that “God” was in nature and not in a church, that “God” was more an abstract force of nature and not a judging figure in a robe to be feared. The concept of the Divine Spirit as a Goddess rang true for me, and it made more sense to me that the Divine would be both male and female in nature (two sides of same coin) and in Wicca that is how the Divine is portrayed.
I graduated high school at age 16, I skipped my junior year so I was able to leave the school early and return home. A couple years later I found out one of the girls I attended the boarding school with lived near by and became friends. She knew my interest in becoming a witch and told me about a woman who lived in Yardley, PA who had a small occult shop in a room in her house and who read tarot cards. I was thrilled to get to meet this woman, Ellen, and signed up for her tarot classes and bought my first deck. After she got to know me she invited me to an open circle Sabbat celebration and my I eventually joined her coven, I was about 19 at the time. Along with open circles held on the Saturday closest to the Sabbat, her coven met at the “exact” time of the Sabbats (based on the planets and it could be 3:00 a.m. or noon time didn’t matter that is when we met) and we met every full moon too – there were no excuses and we were not allowed to miss. I learned a great deal from her.
Through the years there have been many ups and downs, twists and turn along my spiritual path. I eventually started my own circle for a few years. For the past 18 yrs or so I’ve been a solitary wiccan, I also study qi gong healing, and my tarot cards collection has grown to almost a 100 decks so far. I still consider myself a Witch (Wiccan), but I do not follow a particular tradition or path of wicca.
Thank you AC for asking.
Bright Blessings, Lady Rose
Ask A Witch is a regular feature here at Blissful Moon. If you have a question or suggestion please feel free to leave a comment, contact me by email, or send me a message via my facebook profile.